To be brutally honest, the honesty I am going to pour out is, in fact, not brutal. Raw, perhaps, but not brutal. I just wanted to use that word. Brutally honest. It sounds nice.
I remember when I used to sing of giddy romance, the kind that made your heart flutter and forces your body into an unnatural lady-like posture, where you push your glasses up every 3 seconds (hitting myself so hard on the head for doing that ugh ugh ugh ugh shiqi you idiot), when you refuse to look into the person's eyes because, I don't know, haha, you're just too shy to do so!
And I thought it didn't exist for a while. I didn't believe in the magic of falling for a bit, but who could possibly stray from the beautiful fairy tale for long? Not me.
How I act when I like someone:
1. I am nice
2. I cross my legs very tightly for some reason
3. I smile at everything the person says.
eg.
him: this is good food
me: smiles
him: my arm hurts
me: smiles
him: i'm going home now
me: smiles
him: i hate you you are so weird
me: smiles
4. I PUSH MY GLASSES UP EVERY THREE SECONDS CAUSE I THINK I LOOK HORRIBLE WHEN IT'S NOT STUCK TO MY FACE (worst worst worst worst reflex ever, do you feel me, fellow glasses wearing people)
5. I act all smart and serious and intelligent and of depth
6. I am just not my usual funny (at least I think I am usually funny), bubbly, outgoing self. I am abnormally quiet for the subconscious fear I say something that turns him off
O M G, I am such a girl.HOW DO I STOP ACTING LIKE THIS TELL ME AHFNIUDJLFKSFN
But I guess I act this way not only to the guy that I like, I don't act normally generally to people who intimidate me or if I'm around people I am not comfortable with. I find I don't get comfortable with people very easily. I'm friendly when I feel like it or when I force myself to, but honestly I'm not the kind of person who can be myself wherever I go. I don't know! It's just awkward. Like what if they don't like me?!?!!!????
Okay my language skills seem to have deteriorated as I wrote more. K bye.
